Sunday, April 5, 2015

Introduction

I've been obsessively reading weight loss blogs from the last month or so.  I've found their progress (especially the before and after pics) to be so inspirational.  I've thought to myself, "Should I start a blog?"

Who would read it?
Do I want to put myself out there like that?
What if people I know find it?
How embarrassing would it be to talk about how fat I am?
What if I fail?

Finally, I said "What the hell" and here I am.  If nothing else, I figured it would give me a place to track my progress and hopefully give me a place to see the weight coming off.  Because I am going to see the weight coming off.  (See that positive thinking!)

I have struggled with weight my entire life.  I managed to get down to 175 lbs the first time I got married when I was 25 (I'm about 5'9" or 5'10" by the way).  That didn't last long though.  Life just happened.  We barbecued with friends.  We drank a lot.  We had kids and had a lot of kid friendly (fattening!) foods (and I was constantly finishing what they didn't eat).  We ate out frequently.  There were so many yummy foods out there and I had to make sure we had them all.  Life was good.  Then my husband died in a work related accident.  What we ate only got worse.  I fed the kids (all 8 of them) whatever was easiest (which usually meant high-calorie processed foods).  That's what I ate too, of course.  And you know those people who get depressed or sad or stressed and can't eat?  Ya, not me.  Food is my comfort.  I shovel the food in.  I may be barely functioning, but you can bet I am full.

By 2005, I was up to 240 lbs and had enough.  I began eating less and moving more (that ole trick).  Two years later, I was at 170 lbs.  I felt good.   Lo and behold, I fell in love again.  The pounds began sneaking up on me and I was slowly up to 190 lbs, but I still felt okay.  When I married for the second time, not only did I get a great husband, but I got two pretty special step kids too.  And then I became pregnant!  What's one more, right?  When I gave birth, I weighed in at 236 lbs.  Still not at my highest weight, I thought to myself.  I never got back below 200 lbs though.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer and round and round that battle went.  Anyone who has had a loved one battle cancer knows how much the caregiver goes through too.  It is a journey of love and courage, that is for sure.  My husband died in December of 2012.  From there, my weight took off.  I no longer seemed to care.  I ate, and I ate, and I ate some more.  I began having a couple of drinks every night at bedtime too.

Life didn't stop though, as much as I thought it should.  My mom had health issues.  I had to pack up her apartment and move her into an assisted living community.  One of my children had substance abuse issues and legal involvement.  Another had serious mental health concerns and required residential treatment.  One has special needs and there are always ongoing requirements regarding that.  And then there was regular life ... sports activities, homework, laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, the list was never-ending.

I was tired.  I was drained.  I was exhausted.

But yet I ate.  And ate.

My weight ballooned to 275 lbs.

3 comments:

  1. I would totally read your blog! I have a chunk more weight to lose than you do, but I feel we are very similar! Let's encourage each other!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like a great idea! I need all the encouragement I can get.

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  2. I would totally read your blog! I have a chunk more weight to lose than you do, but I feel we are very similar! Let's encourage each other!

    ReplyDelete